Yesterday we went to special school for little monkey's annual review and it was time to take a hard decision. He has been going for inclusion at a mainstream school once a fortnight and the teacher there had written a report which read like a list of all his 'wrongs.' How he draws on other children's work, how he lashes out when he is angry, how he sings loudly and covers his ears when other children join in. We had hoped he would learn to play with mainstream kids, and be accepted by them, but instead he's in danger of annoying and frightening them with his unpredictability. It's a hard thing to accept your child cannot cope in mainstream. It confirms all fears that he really is very disabled. It's a hard pill to swallow.
At the annual review meeting held at his special school we spent more than an hour talking to his class teacher and the head about his progress and goals for the future. They think the autism class will be the best place for him next year, with a high staff to pupil ratio and lots of outdoor activities to feed his hyperactivity. After the meeting we asked if we could see what he was doing, so the teacher took us through to the classroom. We stood at a darkened window and watched him play outside with his classmates and as we did, I witnessed a wonderful thing.
He was riding a little bike round and round in circles with a huge smile on his face, he got off the bike and handed it to another boy, inviting him to have a turn. The new boy got on the bike, and little monkey got onto a tricycle. They rode round in circles together, smiling and looking at each other. He was playing with another child. He actually invited this child to play with him. It brought a tear to my eye. For years we had hoped he would learn to socialise at mainstream school - yet here at his special school he was socialising very nicely with his real peer group. Children to whom he is equal in every way.
However much I wanted him to be like other kids and to cope with mainstream school, the truth is that at this special school he learns and grows and thrives. He learns to play with other children on his own level, and he is happy. And at the end of the day, that is priceless.
I have to say, this is truly a nice story and I am glad that you found peace in the decision to take him out of mainstream.
ReplyDeleteMy boys are still only 5 and 2 (both autistic) so this is not upon us quite yet although we are considering what to do. The older one is unusually strong socially so I think we will try mainstream but in a school that has a strong special needs system and does have great facilities for 1:1 ABA support. I hope we make the right decision but if not, I guess I'll have my moment of truth like you one day.
Ragga
Thank you for taking the time to comment, and for your kind words.
DeleteA lovely positive post. My son spent years in mainstream but it was a huge struggle for him and he eventually suffered mental health problems as a result. We then found a special school and for a year he did well but unfortunately his mental health difficulties returned and he is now at home with me. Looking back I wish his mainstream school had recognised his ASD and helped us to get him into a special school system a lot earlier. I will often wonder whether earlier intervention could have prevented the problems my son now has. I think special schools do a fantastic job and have great expertise in particular areas; as soon as I walked into my son's school I could see straight away that their approach to autistic children was far superior than the mainstream school. As you say, its about allowing our kids to grow and thrive.
ReplyDeleteDeb at aspieinthefamily.com
Thank you Deb for leaving this reply - so lovely to hear your story, I was really touched by it.
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